Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
