I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
