come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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