I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
