I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm jealous of your bromance
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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