I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
