my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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