Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize