Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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