This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
