Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
