oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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