Whod you bang
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
