So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
