plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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