At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
