Those balls look pretty dangerous.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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