Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
