I hate all girls vehemently.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
