I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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