some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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