Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
