Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
