Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
