Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
