Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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