Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
