So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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