i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We need to rekindle our bromance
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
