Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize