They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
