So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
