he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
