I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
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