she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
