I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
