I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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