Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
