I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
