My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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