Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
