I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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