I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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