Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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