I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
