he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
