Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wanna passion pit in your ass
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
