This girl is more easily done than said...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize