Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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