Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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