Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
