Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
