she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
