why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
