sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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