I think my vagina is haunted
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
