sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
