my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
