Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
