he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
