I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
