It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
