Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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