apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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