Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
