My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
