she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
