I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
