I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
