yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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