Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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