I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
