who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
