Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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