That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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