she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
