Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
