Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
