do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
