Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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