Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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