he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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