god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
