I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
