I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
