I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
