dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
