you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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