Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
