Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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